She Didn’t Hurt My Feelings. She Made Me Angry. Here’s Why…

Nicely, I had an attention-grabbing factor occur final week. I had an individual depart a number of feedback on one in all my A2D Fb posts that actually made me indignant. After which I made a separate Fb submit about these feedback, together with some footage of our music room, and that post took off, with over 484K views and 2.5K comments as of this morning.

I’d say about 70% of the individuals who responded understood what I used to be attempting to say. However about 30% responded with issues like, “Oh, don’t let imply feedback get you down,” and “Why do you submit on the web of you solely need optimistic suggestions?” These folks missed the purpose…or perhaps I didn’t make my level clear as a result of you may solely say *a lot* in a Fb submit earlier than it will get too lengthy and boring and nobody reads it. So I’m going to attempt once more in a weblog submit.

First, let me make it abundantly clear. I don’t care about imply feedback. I don’t whine and complain about imply feedback. There was a time when imply feedback actually affected me. One imply remark would stick with me all day lengthy. It will wreck my day. That point ended a few years in the past. (I wrote about that moment that I stopped caring about my critics here.) And now, after 17 years of running a blog and placing my tasks and our home on-line, you higher consider I’ve developed a really thick pores and skin by now. If I wished to whine and complain about imply feedback, there could be loads to whine and complain about.

I common about one fool a day on my Fb web page, with a few of them being actual nutjobs, whose solely aim is to insult me. And I’m not speaking in regards to the individuals who say, “I don’t like your kitchen cupboard colour.” I don’t even put these feedback within the “imply” class. That’s only a individual expressing their opinion, to which they’re entitled. I “like” their remark (to point that I’ve learn it) and transfer on. They don’t damage my emotions, and I couldn’t care much less if some random individual on the web doesn’t like my kitchen.

No, once I discuss imply feedback (or feedback which might be clearly meant to harm or insult me), I’m speaking about feedback like this one from this one that left a complete slew of feedback like this on a number of of my posts…

I actually laughed at that. 🤣 There’s completely nothing about this tiny little man-child that I might ever take significantly or take to coronary heart. Apparently, once I hovered my cursor over his identify, the very first thing it mentioned beneath his identify was that he’s the proprietor/designer at Gregory Jordan Interiors in Chicago. I acquired curious, googled that identify, and was led to his Houzz account. Then I gave him some free promoting by pasting a few of his room designs into my response to him, and that actually set him off. 🤣

I’ll even give him extra free promoting now! Should you’re within the Chicago space, and also you’re searching for an inside designer (ASID-certified, even!), and he looks like your kind of man, look him up! Give him a name! Once more, that’s Gregory Jordan Interiors in Chicago.

It began when an actual property agent from Louisiana commented on one in all my posts and mentioned,

“You undoubtedly want to begin a sequence on easy methods to carry the worth of homes down doing your personal DIY.”

However that wasn’t the one remark she left. She continued to double down, and later mentioned this,

“I didn’t let you know what to do. I simply mentioned it’s best to train the category on easy methods to devalue your property when attempting to promote it.”

This one? Oh yeah, this one made me indignant. However right here’s the deal. She didn’t make me indignant as a result of she damage my emotions. This girl couldn’t damage my emotions if she tried. I’m assured sufficient in my DIY skills that there’s completely no method that some random actual property agent from Louisiana may make me really feel dangerous irrespective of how exhausting she tried. And I’m additionally assured sufficient in the truth that every little thing I’ve carried out to our home has elevated the worth of the home. I imply, it will take an actual fool to say in any other case. The submit she commented on was my studio, however even when an individual doesn’t like my specific adorning fashion, you’d need to be an entire moron to say that what I did decreased the worth of our home.

So why was I so indignant at her feedback? For one purpose…

As a result of as a DIY and adorning blogger who has made it my mission in life to encourage householders to design and beautify their houses for themselves with out always worrying about what some random, doable, future proprietor may suppose, THIS is the very kind of individual I’ve been railing in opposition to for 17 years now. She randomly appeared in a number of feedback on my web page and have become the very face of that mindset that I hate a lot — that mindset that retains householders scared to make their home a house for themselves.

Completely nowhere in my submit had I discussed something about us promoting our home. Should you’ve been round right here for lengthy, you already know that now we have no intention of promoting. We purchased this home with the intention of constructing it our eternally residence. And but, what was her speedy go-to mindset? That what I’ve carried out has “…devalu[ed] your property when attempting to promote it.” She had no regard for the truth that WE reside on this home proper now. She had no concept how lengthy we’ve been right here. She had no concept if we really plan on promoting sooner or later. She knew none of that, however her go-to was that I’ve devalued it for the NEXT individual. In different phrases, I’m not really imagined to stay in and luxuriate in my residence. I’m not imagined to make selections that make me joyful because the house owner. I’m solely imagined to protect what I purchased, presumably within the state through which I discovered it, in order that the subsequent individual will likely be extra enticed to purchase it with out all my tasks mucking up the fast sale.

Once more, if this have been just a few web rando, it most likely wouldn’t have made me so indignant. However this can be a actual property agent who has profound affect on householders. Folks are inclined to take heed to actual property brokers. And whereas I do know for a indisputable fact that not all actual property brokers are like this (there are some GREAT ones on the market, and in the event you’re within the Waco space, I do know one I might extremely advocate), what I do know is that this mindset isn’t uncommon amongst them. The kinds like her are like cockroaches. The place there’s one, there will likely be a thousand extra.

These folks have been my nemesis for 17 years now. Whereas I’ve been over right here in my nook of the web screaming on the high of my digital lungs, attempting to persuade householders to make their houses their very own, and attempting to show folks easy methods to DIY issues in the event you don’t have the price range to rent out issues like constructing bookcases or refinishing hardwood flooring, I’m working in opposition to 1000’s of individuals on the opposite aspect of that argument, making householders scared to make modifications, scared to place their personalities into their very own houses, as a result of the subsequent proprietor may not prefer it.

What number of instances have I written about this on my weblog? What number of years have I been preaching this similar message? I seemed again to see if I may discover the primary submit I ever wrote about this matter, and the earliest one I may discover was from 2012. I’d be shocked if there wasn’t one earlier than that, although, as a result of I’ve had the identical message for practically twenty years now. And I’ve identified I’ve been preventing different voices with the alternative message, so when this Louisiana actual property agent determined to indicate her face on my web page together with her message that was diametrically against mine, I acquired indignant. I didn’t get indignant as a result of she damage my emotions. She doesn’t have the ability to try this. However she (and the 1000’s of actual property brokers like her) does have the ability to affect 1000’s of householders together with her message, and that message makes me indignant.

Living proof, as I opened up my laptop computer pc simply this morning, and opened up a brand new tab on my browser that robotically opens to the MSN residence web page, the very first article that appeared within the higher left hand nook was this one.

These articles are all over the place. I see no less than one a day. I acquired curious, so I clicked on it, and…effectively…in response to this text, I now have to repaint each floor in my home to stay “present”.

And what even is that this subsequent one? “The usual double self-importance and bathtub and bathe combo are getting drained.” What? Are you kidding me?

And I additionally have to swap out my gallery partitions, despite the fact that I completely love gallery partitions, for giant artwork.

And evidently, I now have to eliminate my pink sofa within the music room, my purple chairs in the lounge, and my purple benches within the breakfast room and substitute all of them with neutrals to be “in”.

And this needs to be probably the most tone-deaf factor I’ve ever learn. Cease shopping for the inexpensive paintings that matches your price range. All of us now want commissioned paintings.

To be clear, I’m all for supporting artists, and I feel if authentic commissioned paintings matches into your adorning price range, it’s an effective way to personalize a house and assist artists who ought to be paid effectively for his or her authentic work, and particularly commissioned work (since commissioned work is one-of-a-kind that they will’t make further cash on by promoting prints). However to place folks down and make them really feel dangerous if authentic commissioned paintings doesn’t match their price range, and so they occur to search out one thing they like a World Market or Passion Foyer that they need to hold on their wall, is so tone-deaf to me.

Anyway, I informed little miss Louisiana actual property agent that she will go pound sand. And so can each different actual property agent telling householders that each choice they make for his or her residence must be with the longer term proprietor in thoughts. And on high of that, I’ll additionally inform these shelter magazines to go pound sand with their silly “what’s out and in for this yr” lists. I despise all of them as a result of each single one in all them goes in opposition to the message that I’ve been attempting to get throughout to householders for practically twenty years now. I’ve been beating this drum for the final 17 years, and I’ll proceed to take action so long as I can.

And the subsequent actual property agent who reveals up on my Fb web page or my weblog and tells me that I should be excited about the longer term proprietor will get the identical therapy as this one as a result of I’ll use each alternative and each instance that presents itself to me as a possibility to proceed preaching my message, and that’s this…

Owners, when you have no plan to promote your own home within the very close to future, make your own home your personal. Don’t make selections primarily based on what some faceless, anonymous, doable, potential future proprietor of your own home might or might not like, as a result of you haven’t any concept what they’ll need or like. Make your home your residence when you have it.

UPDATE: I simply now sat again down at my desk (at 10:20am) after serving to Matt do his morning workout routines, opened up a brand new browser tab, and as soon as once more, that is the primary article that confirmed up on the MSN homepage.

I didn’t even trouble clicking on this one as a result of I merely don’t care about traits. It’s all an effort to maintain you frequently discontent, and to maintain you within the fixed “shopper” mindset. Simply say no to all of it. Discover what you like. Do what you like. Encompass your self with the colours and private gadgets that you simply love. Create a house that you simply love. The top.